This is the story of one Red Devon cow with the name of Ruth – but I renamed her the Tart. This cow was shock proof, fence proof and everything else proof. The Tart had brains. That’s bad in a cow that means only one thing on a farm – trouble and lots of it This bovine had brains and the trouble making nature that usually results in the hacked off owner sending the thing off on the truck to the works. Not this one – too good for that.
Started off as a yearling the old break out through the back fence trick and end up in the neighbours forestry block for three months. Took five motorbikes and the boys next door to get her out.
Then there was the electric fence immunity. Same old story. Move the cattle – and the Tart would head straight out and under into the garden. We had her for a couple of years. She had a nice calf then my mother decided it was time the Tart and her sister had to be sold. Oh yeah she was trouble all right. Got the Tart yarded….and things went downhill rapidly from there. She must have known she was headed off for other pastures.
There was me and the kids about to head on back down home now the cattle were yarded when we heard a loud cracking sound. Sure enough the Tart had smashed her fat red head through the railings and was in the process of attempting to do the jail break. No way was I going to let that happen. So there we were- me with a cattle stick and the kids with hunks of rubber pipe running around the outside of the yards trying to stop this nutcase red cow from getting out. Every gap possible the Tart tried to break through including a five wire fence. Talk about nuts! Finally the truck turned up and the guy wasn’t too keen to take on a hacked off bovine nutcase with escape on her mind. Yeah I got the job and booted the Tart all the way up the loading ramp and into the truck.
And like those rotten sheep we got rid of – I won’t ever miss her. Take a lesson from me. If you end up with a nutcase cow with brains – eat it.
I know now my New Year's Resolution I will not of course keep is my weakness for chocolate. I cannot resist its evil hold on me! I had a binge of chocolate dreams in my little black book of thoughts....oh dear I have been indeed naughty. Well not really I was having some fun so that means I have already deliberately not kept my resolution about not being creative any more. Not so sure about this since I nicked the pictures out of an old Womans Weekly Magazine...well I wanted those shoes! and that icecream with the chocolate sauce I just couldn't..resist. Death by Chocolate? Hmmm. And guess who decided to pay me a visit the other day...
Yes Oscar the Grouch decided to come inside to catch insects. He does that from time to time. Well I was out with my Mum when Oscar had flown thrown one of the windows. I came home laden with junk and there he is sitting on the computer keyboard. Then he spotted a big fat spider and ended up on the window sill. He's not nesting this year - So I won't need a motorcycle helmet this time or a suit of armour. Lucky for him Emerald was not in the house otherwise this little grouchy Kingfisher would have been lunch. Strangely enough Sasquatch was sleeping on the sofa but I think maybe Oscar had a big bad attitude and had scared his evilness off.
Well it wasn't safe inside for this grouchy little bird so I caught him..yet again and sent him on his way...yes well he was back the next day. Little sod but I like him anyway..and then there is his evilness....
Apart from biting me every other day Sasquatch has now taken up a new hobby. Tail Biting - his own. Suddenly poor little tail has become the latest victim in a long long of victims of the evil Sasquatch. And there he is above..BITING HIS OWN TAIL? And then there was the other matter.
Sasquatch and Dream highjacked my classic album collection. Just because I was clearing out the cupboards and sorting my junk out (I have loads of junk mutter) these two decided it was time to sit on the Eagles and Ultravox so I could not swipe off with them. And when I did go to get them....
I get the attitude from his evilness?.....he wakes up extends paws....and .....
I am shown the sharp teeth...with the added clawz of...Dis iz mine stoopid hooman!
